Advice vs. Coaching
“Advice is good for a quick fix, but coaching will change your life forever.”
“I need help!” The words rang deep within my mind as the familiar feeling of being overwhelmed grew. “There is so much to do and so many people that need me, yet I am going in too many directions. There must be a better way…I need help!”
Years ago, I was a director for a community discipleship program for teenagers and, at the same time, a Youth Pastor at a local church. My whole life was about helping and serving people. I said “Yes” to everything that came my way. If you needed help with something, I was your guy.
Lead a small group? “Yes!”
Speak at a community event? “Yes!”
Start a new bible club at a local school campus? “Yes!”
Lead a fundraiser? “Yes!”
Help you strategically plan your youth ministry? “Yes!”
Counsel your family through a tough season of life? “Yes!”
There wasn’t much that I didn’t say “Yes!” to. I was everything to all people.
Until I wasn’t.
I came home after a long day of fulfilling all my obligations to others when my wife asked if we could discuss something. My answer? “Yes!” However, as she began to speak, part of me wished I said, “No!”
“Joe, you are doing many great things for lots of great people,” my wife began. “You are making a big difference in our community and the lives of all the families we are connected to. You give them 100% of yourself, and they will all be better off. However, when you come home, I get the tired and grumpy Joe. You have so much to pour out for everyone else but little to pour into our family.” The words that came next from my sweet wife stopped me dead in my tracks. “I feel like I am living all alone.”
I was gutted.
I wasn’t upset at what she said; I was upset at myself. She was right. I gave and gave and gave to all the people around me, but when I got home, there was nothing left to give to our family. Something had to change. I needed help.
The Problem with Advice
The first thing I did was apologize and let my wife know that things would change. I needed help, so I sought out some advice. I reached out to a few close friends working in vocational ministry. I asked for their advice and for a bit of help navigating the season I was in. The advice I received was great for a quick fix. It was suggested I take my wife along with me to events and meetings. I also received advice on managing my schedule and balancing family and work. These ideas were good at first glance, and it seemed like I would make some real progress.
I was wrong.
The advice helped me for the moment, but nothing stuck and gave lasting change. I started to burn both of us out and slide back into my familiar patterns. Balance lasted only a couple of weeks until I compromised and began to say “Yes!” again.
I was a mess.
I needed more than just help. I needed coaching.
The Importance of a Coach
Coaching changed everything. I needed someone to walk through this perilous season with me and help make lasting change. While the advice I received was free and quick, there was no structured plan forward and very little accountability. I knew that I needed a more detailed approach. I needed someone to help me make sense of things, outline a plan, and walk me through it to the end. This was going to cost me something, but it was an investment that would be foundational to the life change I so desperately needed.
Enter my first coach. This man didn’t just sit with me over coffee for an hour and offer a list of ideas in hopes of fixing my problems. Instead, he offered his help for the long haul. Working together was not going to be a one-time pep rally; this was going to cost something for both of us. He was committed, and I decided that I had to be too.
Meeting together cost me. I had to invest in this coaching and show a high level of commitment to adjust my life course. We met every week for the next year and began to break things down. It started with looking inward. We discussed my personality, gifts, talents, struggles, and, most importantly, my relationship with Jesus. Our work together helped me understand how I was uniquely created by God and began to define the deep passions within me. Next, we looked at ministry, work, and family. We made a game plan that helped me to stay focused on the most essential things in these areas. I learned what to say “Yes” to and what things I could graciously say “No” to.
Though we simplified things and made a clear path to peace and health for my family and work life, it was not easy to implement. I had to put in the hard work. I had to stay committed and welcome accountability each step of the way. As I made this pivotal shift, my life changed dramatically.
My wife finally had her husband back. We began to enjoy life together again. There was a sense of balance in all that I was working towards. Our lives were finally in a healthy rhythm. Date nights became a regular part of our weekly schedule. Rest was planned into our weekly routine. Our work became a partnership that brought us closer instead of driving us apart. Productivity soared as I was finally focused on the BEST things and released myself of the burden to complete all the “good” things people asked me to do for them. I wasn’t living for the satisfaction of others anymore. Instead, I was living to satisfy God and what He asked of me. I was focused on my health and the well-being of my family. I was living on purpose in both life and work.
Why You Need Coaching
Where are you right now with work and life? Do you feel balanced and free?
Or are you like the rest of the world? Are you overwhelmed, lost, frustrated, tired, depressed, or hopeless?
If you are looking for a quick fix that will put a band-aid over your problems, get some advice and keep moving down the road of frustration. If you are looking for lasting change and solutions to your most challenging problems, get involved in a coaching relationship.
Advice is everywhere. You can find it from family, friends, or co-workers. You can go online and search for advice from all kinds of people. You can also read many books and attend conferences to learn new things. While all of these can help you, let me share a hard truth: Without a coach in your corner, you will never accomplish everything you hope to. If you have goals and dreams for the future but feel stuck or lost, you need a coach.
Advice is good for a quick fix, but coaching will change your life forever.
Your purpose in life is too important to ignore. You were created for a specific purpose here on earth, and you are meant to make a difference in the lives of many. You do not need another word of advice from someone unwilling to walk with you through this life. You need personalized encouragement and support from someone dedicated to you and your future.
Coaching changes everything. Find someone you can trust to walk with you each step of the journey towards your goals and unique purpose. Commit to showing up and paying the cost for coaching, whether that’s through your time, finances, or humility. Lasting change comes from putting skin in the game and dedicating yourself fully to the cause. When you need help, you must raise your hand and ask for it.
You can do this. You can make a difference in your life and the world.
The BEST is yet to come!
-Joe
P.S. I believe coaching is so vital to living out your unique purpose for life and work that I offer a FREE coaching session to anyone who needs more than a little advice 😉
Schedule a FREE 45-minute coaching call with me, and we can get you moving towards accomplishing what matters most to you!
Here at YUP, we want to encourage and support all people to live out their unique God-given purpose. We have coaching available from dedicated people that are willing to come alongside you and help you to walk fully in your purpose for life and work. Reach out today to see how we can help!